The man who, against all conventional expectations, monetised Susan Boyle — has been making plans for his forthcoming wedding in the autumn. Although CW likes to think it has a pretty active imagination — it did, after all, come up with the idea of a gay Oliver! Those orphans just need to be recast as rent boys! Fagin is the pimp! Bill Sykes is a queerbasher! Where is Love? Up your bum! — it must admit that the theme for the wedding has rather hit it for six.
For, apparently, Cowell is intending to base his nuptials on the works of Salvador Dalí. Yes. Salvador Dalí. Ironically, this is quite surreal. Or perhaps it’s surreal that it’s so surreal. CW isn’t quite sure of the mechanics of this one. “There will be melted clocks all over the place,” a “source” said.